


Stuck on You

by tothineownelfbetrue



Category: Disenchantment (TV 2018)
Genre: Awkwardness Abounds, Bean is oblivious, Canon-Typical Violence, Crazy Adventures, Elfo fails at being kinky, F/M, Handcuffed Together, Kinda, Luci just gets under Elfo’s skin, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Kink, Object Insertion, Past Tense, Tail Sex, Third Person POV, not as sexy as advertised, talking on kinks, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 12:49:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17643152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothineownelfbetrue/pseuds/tothineownelfbetrue
Summary: Luci had a way of getting under Elfo’s skin, and sometimes - most of the time - his timing left a lot to be desired.  After a bit of mockery escalates too far, Elfo and Luci find themselves in a very uncomfortable situation.  Sucks to be them.Or: That weird fic that’s basically the “Two characters handcuffed together” trope but a lot more awkward.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place vaguely after the events of chapter seven: Love’s Tender Rampage. Many thanks to Lacertae for beta-reading this for me! Chapters update on Tuesdays.

-Part 1-

 

  


It had been a while.  Elfo wasn't normally one to complain about the sheer amount of his time that was spent hanging out with Bean and Luci, except when said hanging out involved naughty things like stealing, murder and putting dandelions into daisy chains, but as much as he liked Bean, and he really wanted her to like him back, there was still some merit in having some alone time.  And he hadn't gotten any of that in a while, especially not since he was being constantly hounded by Sorcerio and various others. So times where he could just be alone and do alone time things... those times were valuable.

 

It started as one of those iffy kind of days.  

 

He'd somehow managed to sleep in where he was perched across the foot of Bean's bed and for once she'd woken up first.  She was nowhere to be seen when he woke up and it was a good thing too, if being caught in a lie while trying to kiss her was embarrassing, it would have been even worse somehow to have her around when he woke up with a severe case of the morning jollies.  Elfo groaned and rolled over onto his belly, trying to think of less _happy_  things.

 

Despite his best efforts in thinking about cold waterfalls, being stuck in the plague pit surrounded by corpses and even the wrinkly gross weird religious orgy in the lower castle, it just wasn't going away.  It had been a while since anything like this had happened though. Several weeks, at least. Surely a normal teenage elf wasn't expected to have so much elf control?

 

Glancing cautiously toward the closed door, Elfo wiggled his way toward the other side of the bed, landing on the floor with a muffled thud.  He paused for a moment to listen for any sounds of someone entering, like Bean's servant, and when he heard nothing, he set about to the task.  

 

He eased out of his shorts quickly before getting down to business.  It felt good... he'd forgotten how nice it was to have some quality time... especially considering how little personal time of any kind he had when he spent most of his days being poked and prodded and experimented on in a small cage.  His breath hitched in his throat as the nice sensations heightened with the quickening motions of his fingers-

 

"Wow.  Really?  You're doing that _here_?"  The smooth voice coming from just above him was a shock to his system.  Elfo floundered for a few seconds, trying to simultaneously cover himself and roll over onto his belly to hide the evidence.  He managed neither of those things. Instead his head smacked into the leg of the bed at this mangled attempt and then he hit the floor, face first, with his hands still tangled in the bottom hem of his shirt. The high pitched whine of pain that escaped him was somewhat muffled against the floorboards before he turned his head to look at the intruder.

 

"Luci!" He wasn't sure if he should laugh and pretend things were somehow normal, or apologize and hide under the bed until the shame faded... perhaps s..  The laugh and the apology got mixed up together in his throat and came out as a nasally croak. "What... what are you doing here? I didn't hear you knock!"  He scrambled to right himself, managing to stumble to his feet and briefly forgetting that his shorts had been kicked off in the intervening struggle. He didn't want to call attention to himself by going over to get them though so he silently hoped that his long shirt would provide him with cover.

 

"Yeah." Luci sat down on the edge of the bed, his black feet dangling slightly.  "Demons don't knock." He pulled what seemed to be a cigar out of thin air, lighting it with his tail tip.  "So, first time jerking one out in someone else's room?"

 

Elfo sputtered.  "No!" He paused, flustered.  "I mean... Yes!" Luci blew a cloud of smoke into his face, interrupting any further attempts to clarify his status regarding jerking off in someone else's room.  As Elfo coughed and tried to wave away the smoke, he caught a glimpse of Luci's expression and the demon was so smug that Elfo had the urge to duck his head into the top of his shirt like a turtle.

 

"No need to get defensive, buddy." Luci said in that too-reasonable tone that was also somehow highly suspicious.  "I believe you." He didn't specify if he believed the yes or the no and Elfo didn't dare to ask. Especially not when the demon grinned a little, his fangs sticking out even more prominently than usual, as he clarified.  "I mean you're not exactly the wild type, are you?"

 

The elf was planning to agree with that assessment wholeheartedly when he realized Luci didn't mean it as a compliment.  "W-wait... are you mocking me?" It almost didn't matter that what Luci was saying was actually true, it still stung. It made him feel small.  He shuffled in place beside the bed, his cheeks darkening.

 

"Nah." Luci took another puff of the cigar.  "We can't all be sexually accomplished badasses.  Some of us - like you - just have to be weird virgins."

 

Elfo bristled at that.  "I'm not a virgin."

 

"Yeah, yeah." Luci gave a dismissive wave that also somehow managed to waft smoke into Elfo's face and make him cough.  "Using your own hand doesn't count."

 

"I've had sex!" Elfo managed to snap once the smoke had sufficiently cleared to allow him to talk.  He was almost mad enough to forget to hold onto the shirt that he was pulling down to cover himself.  "I... I've had plenty of sex! I had a girlfriend!"

 

"Oh?  Before your other super-real giant girlfriend that you totally weren't lying about?"  Luci eyed him sidelong, grinning.

 

"That's right!" Elfo crossed his arms.  Somehow, despite his normally even-tempered nature, Luci always managed to get under his skin and get him worked up for some unfathomable reason.  "I did so have a real girlfriend! And we did have sex! We had so much sex! Just- just sex, all the time. Because I'm so good at it!" He and Kissy had certainly had sex, though perhaps not as much of it as he was trying to convince the demon of.  Elfo was going to expound more on the matter, perhaps to repeat himself four or five more times in order to be extra convincing, but he felt the sudden breeze against his bare belly and noticed Luci's judgmental gaze raking down his body. He gasped, floundering to grab the shirt and yank it down to cover himself again.

 

The demon hopped down off the bed, landing easily on the floor in front of Elfo.  There was a crinkle of amusement around his eyes that made his words somehow that much worse.  "So, you and your elf squeeze got it on a lot. Right." He yawned, giving an exaggerated stretch of each limb, one at a time.  "You're boring, you know. You elves are just so saccharine sweet and vanilla. It really takes all the fun out of thinking about sex."

 

"What's wrong with vanilla?" Elfo snapped back, confused by the shift in conversation.  "It's a perfectly fine flavour. I mean it lacks the complexity of caramel..." His voice trailed off as he noticed Luci rolling his eyes at the rebuke.  He'd gotten something wrong here, apparently. He backtracked to a defensive protest. "And I'm not boring!"

 

Luci let out a laughing snort at that.  "Oh yeah. Sure." Another snort. "Seriously man.  I'm willing to buy that you maybe had an actual elf girlfriend at some point.  I mean elves could all be pathetic losers. Maybe she didn't have a lot of options.  But you being 'not boring'," Luci made a gesture with the fingers of both hands. "Well that just isn't happening.  You're so uninteresting all the time. I bet you wouldn't know what kink was if it came up and slapped you in the face."

 

"I know kink!" Elfo's voice was starting to pitch higher, even as his volume increased.  "I know all about kink. Like everything. I'm a master of the kink... stuff." Even as he said it, he knew that it was a mistake.  Luci wasn't going to let things go so easily with just his word on the matter.

 

Sure enough, Luci was grinning in a way that was very unsettling for some reason.  "Oh yeah? So you're really that kinky, huh?"

 

"Yup.  Kinky. That's me."  Elfo doubled down, even knowing it was a mistake.

 

"And what would you say is your favourite kinky thing to do?" Luci asked, his voice as smooth as cocoa butter.

 

Elfo froze at that, mind going blank.  He had no idea what kinky was, much less the sort of things it entailed.  He'd felt he needed to reply in some way or risk looking stupid. In hindsight, perhaps it wasn't the best idea.  He stood there for a moment, mouth hanging open but no words coming out. After a hard swallow, he managed a brief and informative, "Uh..."

 

Luci's expression was unbearably smug.  He'd won this round and they both knew it.  Yet even knowing that, and being fully aware of his own disadvantage in this situation, Elfo couldn't find it in himself to just back down and give it up as a bad game.  Logic dictated that he'd spare himself time and inevitable humiliation by just giving in and admitting the truth now...

 

So of course words popped out of his mouth instead.  "Everything!"

 

Luci paused, looking at him with a sweeping, skeptical glance.  "Everything?" He said slowly, testing the words on his tongue. "So you're saying 'everything' is your favourite kinky thing to do?"

 

Elfo knew better, but he took the bait, doubling down.  "That's... yeah, that's right. Everything. Just. Just all the things." He hesitated for a moment, then added, "All at the same time too."  That sounded like it would probably be extra kinky, right?

 

The demon's eyes narrowed a little at that, his gaze steady on the small green elf standing in front of him.  "So you like **every kink** all at the _**same time**_." He spoke slowly. " _That's_ the story you're sticking with here?"

 

The way Luci was responding was setting off some alarm bells in Elfo's head, but he was already committed.  "Yes." Elfo crossed his arms again, trying to look more resolute. He was aware that his shirt was riding up again and trying desperately to pretend like it didn't bother him.

 

"Right." Luci let out a huff of a breath, accompanied by roiling smoke.  "So. You like stuff like... edging, for example." He said, almost conversationally.

 

"Of course!"  Whatever that was.

 

"What about spanking?" Luci had a suspicious curl to his lips and Elfo had to work not to blanch since that was one he knew from non sex stuff.

 

Ouch.  "Love it."

 

"Bondage?"

 

"All the time."

 

"You don't know what any of those are." Luci proclaimed flatly, tapping ash onto the floor.

 

"I do too!"

 

Luci stared at him long and hard.  "Yeah. You're full of shit." While Elfo was sputtering attempts to be more convincing, Luci's expression slowly changed, settling into an amused smile that was somehow also alarmingly thoughtful.  "Hm. Okay. So here's an easy one. What about pegging?"

 

Something about the way he asked made Elfo nervous, but it wasn't like Luci could really prove whether he was telling the truth or not.  It wasn't like the demon could read minds. ...He couldn't read minds, right? "That's my favourite!"

 

"So you like when your girlfriend puts on a fake dick and shoves it up your ass?" Luci let out a snort of laughter.  "You know, if I didn't know you were too much of a wimp to do that kind of stuff, that might actually check out." He shook his head.  "Look, normally humiliating you is fun, especially in front of Bean. But this... this whole thing is just pathetic. We both know you're just way too much of a goody two-shoes tightass to do much."

 

Elfo's patience was frayed by now and he was flushed and more than a little desperate to save face, though why it mattered when Luci was a literal demon... well he couldn't say.  But he did know that he couldn't let Luci win this, he just couldn't. And to top it all off, some of what Luci said did remind him, rather painfully, of some of his own complaints about Elfwood, not so long ago.  "I am not!" He paused on a pained whine, unsure where to go other than to directly refute what Luci was saying. "I love when my girlfriend would do... that stuff." As much as he'd complained about the other elves having peppermint sticks up their asses, he was sure that would have been a waste of candy to try anyway.  No self-respecting elf would do that. "And I'm not a tightass! In fact, Kissy and I used to do that kind of... butt stuff all the time. Like you were saying. I was going to do some of that kinky stuff just now before you showed up, but now I can't cuz you're here." He nodded, half to himself, at having successfully navigated this attempt to make him look boring.  "So uh... now I'm just gonna get dressed, and that's all."

 

While Elfo was turning to try and snag his shorts, hopeful at the chance to cut his losses and get out of there with a few tatters of his dignity still intact, Luci was silent behind him.  He was so quiet that Elfo wondered if he'd just decided to leave after not willing their argument... but then, after a few seconds, the demon spoke again.

 

"Well, you don't have to stop on my account."

 

Elfo froze in place, still half-bent over in the arrested motion.  He felt confusion and a small surge of panic both at the same time.  "What?" When he whirled around to look at Luci again, the demon was giving him a steady stare, partially reclined on another of the abandoned pillows and holding his cigar casually while watching him.

 

"I said go ahead." This time Luci almost purred, smug as a cat.  "I mean I know an unrepentant sexual deviant like you probably also has an exhibitionist kink too, _**right**_?" His eyes narrowed, daring Elfo to disagree.

 

"Uh. Right..." Elfo swallowed hard.  He looked around, shuffling his feet, wondering what the best possible way of getting out of this without admitting he'd been lying about his ability to be kinky.  With Luci unwilling to leave, and himself unwilling to admit it and deal with yet another round of merciless teasing, it didn't exactly leave him with a lot of options.  "Yeah. Okay..." He bit at his lip. "I'll just... do that." A quick, unhappy glance around didn't show anything suitable for putting inside one's butt. Maybe he'd gotten a reprieve?  "There's nothing to do that with! Too bad! Let's try it again later!" Much later. Like never.

 

"There's all kinds of stuff in Bean's drawers," Luci suggested with a silky purr and beyond the initial shock of embarrassment, Elfo was also actually horrified at the thought.

 

"I can't do that with Bean's stuff!"  He gasped out, eyes wide and cheeks darkening.  No matter how kinky he was trying to pretend he was, he was definitely drawing the line at that.

 

Luci laughed.  He actually laughed in the face of Elfo's burst of indignation.  "Fine. Goody two-shoes. If you're that squeamish about Bean's crap, then why not just use your fingers?"

 

It made sense from a purely logical perspective and it was kind of hard to refuse now that he'd spent so much time hyping himself up as being tremendously kinky.  So there wasn't a lot he could do with his other options successfully scuttled and he was forced to plop himself right back down on his butt beside the bed. He hesitated for a moment before tugging uncertainly at the hem of his shirt.  It rucked up around his belly in this position, leaving him feeling awkward and not particularly turned on, especially under the demon's watchful eye. Luci was still staring at him with that wicked grin of his and Elfo buckled down, gritting his teeth and hoping that Luci was somehow just as embarrassed by this as he was.

 

His fingers drifted for a moment, just barely brushing along the inside of his own leg.  He wasn't sure how this was supposed to work and after a bit of fumbling he braced his toes against the floor.  The motion shifted his stance so he felt like he was sliding down next to the bed.

 

"Do you usually take this long?"  Luci sounded bored and Elfo silently cursed him as he finally wiggled his hand down between his own legs.  

 

Elfo's hand automatically wanted to curl around himself, since he only ever put his hand down near there to jerk off, after all.  Just the proximity of having his fingers right next to his crotch caused a little flutter of heat in his belly. He was reminded that he hadn't finished off earlier and he let out a mournful little whine as he moved past his poor neglected dick and pushed the tip of one finger unceremoniously against his bumhole.

 

It felt weird and his finger was dry and didn't move easily.  Elfo bit his lip but he kept fumbling around anyway, unable to help a yelp as his jabbing finger finally pushed inside by accident.  "Oh god-"

 

Beside him, Luci made a soft sound, maybe a laugh but odd -less amused and more like… a bit surprised.  Perhaps that he'd actually gone through with this much... Elfo was surprised at that too. "Okay. Well, I think I've seen enough."  Elfo paused a second, awkward but hopeful. "Just admit you're lying dude, we both know it."

 

Luci's tail flicked out in accompaniment with his words, whapping Elfo across the knee.

 

"Ow!" The elf hissed, batting at the demon's flexible appendage.  "Stop that! I'm not lying, okay!"

 

"Man, you can't even get one finger in your ass.  You expect me to believe your make believe girlfriend was doing you like that?"  His tail whapped Elfo again, this time across the belly, causing the elf to grimace in pain and surprise.  Normally Elfo was prone to just taking any sort of abuse that people were willing to dish out. Even back in Elfwood, where he'd been a bit of a rebel, he'd still pretty much tried to obey the rules the most of the time.  Luci though... he had this strange quality about him where he could get under Elfo's skin and make him actually angry somehow.

 

Of course, anger by itself wasn't particularly a good thing, which was why he tried to keep his temper... but this time... oh this time it was just too much.  When Luci's tail flicked out again, Elfo somehow managed to catch hold of it, halting any further attempts to hit him.

 

"Don't do that!" He barked, surprising even himself.  "You're just being mean for no reason! You didn't have to stay in here and watch anyway!"  It didn't entirely escape him that Luci had pushed the entire thing to begin with and then had blamed it on him.  And now he wasn't even getting a chance to prove his - admittedly false - claims about his own prowess. It was enough to make an elf very cross.

 

Luci stared flatly at him, unimpressed by his frustration.  "So what are you gonna do about it, huh?" There was something weird in his tone, not as nonchalant as his expression seemed to suggest.  It was a lot like the way he liked to goad Elfo on to see him get himself in trouble, but also different.

 

Elfo stared right back, still gripping Luci's tail which had fallen still, barely twitching in his grip as the two of them looked at each other.  Then, at last, Elfo managed something he hoped sounded more authoritative. "I'm going to show you you're wrong." His other hand was still awkwardly positioned since he'd not dared to pull his fingers out for fear of being more uncomfortable with the motion.  He grimaced a little as he redoubled his efforts, feeling the strangeness of that stretch. He couldn't imagine why someone would have such a kink anyway. It was about as unsexy an activity as he could think of.

 

His finger didn't move well, but despite his slowness Luci still hadn't made an effort to pull away.  Elfo wasn't sure if he was amused at the effort or whether he'd been cowed into listening for once. Then Luci commented at last.  "It works better if you get it slippery, stupid."

 

"I knew that." Elfo mumbled, not sure how that was supposed to work.  He didn't have anything slippery around like butter or amphibious mucus or something.  There was just him, his sort-of captive companion and the situation his big mouth had gotten them in.  Luci made a sound that was probably derision and Elfo snapped back softly. "I'm not used to using fingers.  We used other stuff!"

 

"I already pointed out Bean's stuff." Luci said, the spade of his tail twitching in Elfo's hand.  "But you were too squeamish to use it. You can't blame your boringness on me." Elfo's eyes rose to meet the demon's gaze and they stared at each other.  

 

"I'm not boring!" Elfo pulled his fingers out, a motion that was just as awkward as putting them in.  "I'll find something else!" He was racking his brain even as he said it. Did he have anything else in the room that wasn't actually Bean's...?  What about that lollipop from earlier... no, he'd eaten it all. The plan was clear enough - shove something in far enough for long enough that he could point out Luci's quick assumption about him to be faulty, and then probably regret it for the rest of the day.  It wasn't like it could be any worse than being stuck in a cage all day being drained of his blood in various creative ways. Except that there wasn't anything he could get his little green hands on that would both work and also not make him completely unable to look at Bean later...

 

There was nothing...

 

He felt the twitch of Luci's tail in his grip and it felt like it was mocking him somehow.  He glared at it for a moment and then another thought struck him. If he had to be embarrassed by all this... then maybe...?

 

Something in the back of his head was screaming that it was a bad idea and he probably would have listened if Luci hadn't tapped into whatever bizarre train of thought that was weaving its way through Elfo's brain.  The demon didn't pull away, but he flicked his tail again, tugging it in Elfo's grip as their eyes met over it. "Don't even think it." Luci said flatly, and then the magic words. "You _wouldn't_."

 

Yeah.  He wouldn't.  He couldn't.

 

Somehow he did.

 

It happened so quickly that neither of them really had the chance to actually react for a few seconds.  Had he been thinking with logic instead of with whatever angry animal hindbrain that Luci seemed able to tap into, he would have been expecting it to hurt.  As it was, he barely felt anything as he gripped Luci's tail tightly in his clenched hand and brought it down to replace his fingers. At least it was tapered, which was probably easier going in...  and it wasn't like it had to stay in for long to prove his point.

 

Luci swore softly at that, almost stumbling at the motion before catching hold of Elfo's bent knee to steady himself.  He was the one to break their gaze and look down the length of Elfo's body with an expression that was almost hinting at respect.  "Okay. So you would. You put something up your ass. Proud of yourself?"

 

Elfo tipped his chin, for a moment satisfied that he'd caught the demon off-guard and been bold and unpredictable for once.  Not boring at all! But the general discomfort of it was starting to make itself known and he was about ready to get his brief bit of gloating done so he could go back to never putting things up his butt again.  "I told you I would! Cuz I'm just all kinky and stuff."

 

The demon let out a sigh.  "Fine. You did one mildly kinky thing.  You're not entirely dull, just mostly dull.  Happy now?"

 

He had to consider for a moment.  "Yes."

 

"Yeah.  Good for you.  Now gimme back my tail."

 

"Right!" Elfo felt like maybe he should have argued about being given a command, but he'd made his point and was just as eager as Luci to get this awkwardness safely in the past where they could never speak of it again.  He gave one final squeeze of his fingers around the slim length of Luci's tail before releasing it so the demon could pull it out and get back to whatever evil things he'd been planning for the day.

 

He'd been expecting the demon's tug to hurt since it had been uncomfortable going in, but he also had a high tolerance for pain considering his daily activities with the wizard and his assistant.  What he didn't expect was that Luci didn't immediately leave and just stood there with his ears down. "Um... you don't have to stick around."

 

Luci laughed a little at that, not in the normal way he had when Elfo had done something he found worth of mockery, but just a soft hiss of a sound.  Then he moved his tail again and Elfo realized what the problem was, right before Luci said it out loud. "Yeah. I kinda do." That tug was still there and more uncomfortable now than it had been the first time, somehow.  "You got me stuck, dumbass."

 

"But how-" He didn't have to complete the sentence because he was remembering the shape of Luci's tail which he knew pretty well since it got waved in his face rather frequently.  The majority of Luci's tail was long and skinny, which made it good for angry insertion in the name of proving one's level of kinky, but the end of it... "O-oh..."

 

"Yeah. " The demon said with a grumble.  "My tail is great for a lot of things but not for use by horny elves.  Stop moving around and I'll get it out."

 

Elfo nodded in response.  Luci would probably best know how to get his tail unstuck and he really didn't want to risk making it worse somehow by interfering.  This whole thing had just gone so completely badly... but at least he could safely attest that he was absolutely 100% not turned on anymore.  He did have to bite back a flinch as one of Luci's pointy-fingered hands brushed against him, but it wasn't nearly as bad, nor as immediate as the reaction that went through him when he heard Bean's voice coming from down the hallway.  

 

"Hey Elfo, you awake yet?"

 

Normally the sound of Bean's voice would have filled him with warmth and made him smile. At the moment, it sent a surge of panic through him since normally he also wouldn't have had Luci stuck in such an awkward position either.  "Bean's coming..." he hissed.

 

"Tell her you're still sleeping."  Luci snapped back at him, though he was also being remarkably quiet.

 

"Ah... I'm still asleep!" Elfo called out loudly, then he froze as he realized that perhaps yelling that he was still asleep was not the best way to convince someone.  He threw a quick dirty look at Luci who laughed for a moment before falling silent and putting his ears back again.

 

"Yeah, okay.  My bad." Luci grimaced. "I really couldn't resist."

 

They sat there in silence for a few seconds before they heard the telltale heavy thump of Bean's boots right in front of the door.  As soon as the hinges started to creak, Elfo's panic hit its peak and he dived forward to grab his shorts, his anxiety overriding the discomfort of Luci's still-buried tail.  Getting his shorts on, though, that was difficult to do while Luci was being dragged behind him.

 

"Stop it! Hang on!"  Luci growled, unable to fend off the flailing elf.  One of Elfo's elbows hit him in the nose and he let out a snarl before climbing up Elfo's back, perched on his shoulders with his tail drawn up along Elfo's spine.  Despite the balance issues, it did make it a lot easier for Elfo to scramble into his clothing, apparently just in time as Bean came around the bed.

 

"Are you guys fighting again?" Bean had a frown on her face.  She'd been pretty upset with the two of them not getting along in Dankmire so Elfo had been trying to avoid getting into more disagreements with Luci when they were in front of her, but given how the two of them were ruffled and Luci was clinging to him like a leech, there weren't a lot of easy ways to avoid suspicion.  The elf would definitely have preferred Bean to think they were brawling than for her to clue in on what was actually going on.

 

"YES!" He yelped out breathlessly, then felt a surge of frustration as Luci also responded at virtually the same time.

 

"No."  Luci's tone was low and sullen and Elfo tried to cover the weirdness of their behaviour with a breathy panicked laugh.

 

"O-of course we are.  Luci was... um... making fun of candy.  And it was just so mean that I um... I had to fight him.  Right?" He turned his head to look at Luci who was still clinging to the back of his shoulders, praying that the demon would go along for once and not make Bean more suspicious.

 

"It wasn't much of a fight." Luci said, deliberately oblique.  But then he smacked Elfo across the face with one hand, making the elf yelp.

 

Bean sighed.  "Look. I know you two are having some issues lately. But I really can't deal with this right now.  My dad is getting on me about proper behaviour again and I just want to get out of the castle for a bit.  Can't you two just... get along a little while? Just for the afternoon, at least? I don't want to go drinking by myself." She fixed brilliant blue eyes on Elfo and he would have done anything for her in that split second.  "You guys are gonna come with me, right?"

 

"Of course, Bean!" Elfo didn't even think about the words before they popped out of his mouth.  Bean was obviously upset and it was hard to not want to do something to help make her feel better.  For a moment he forgot just how much of a pain it would be to accompany Bean. The realization hit a few seconds later and he only partially regretted it, especially when Bean gave him a grateful smile.

 

"I'm gonna grab my backup backup flask," Bean said, a bit more cheery.  "I'll be right back." As soon as she went out the door, Luci smacked Elfo across the face again.

 

"What the hell, man!" the demon growled.  "We can't go out like this!" Luci hopped down off of Elfo's back but he couldn't go far without their awkward connection bringing him to a halt.

 

"Well we can't tell Bean what's going on..."

 

The demon groaned, then looked at Elfo sidelong through narrowed eyes.  "For once we agree. I don't want Bean to know about this either. It would be humiliating if someone thought we actually hung out together without Bean around."  Elfo was a bit surprised that Luci didn't mention the part that Elfo personally found most embarrassing, namely the weird kinky stuff, but Luci probably would have found that cool to do with someone he didn't constantly describe as being annoying or boring.

 

That still left the issue of what they were going to do.  Luci was right that going out with Bean was going to make it difficult to keep their secret, but they were also kind of committed, especially with Bean so upset over the stuff with her dad.  Elfo bit his lip and managed a lousy attempt at a compromise. "Look, we'll go out with Bean and get a drink. Bean always likes going to the bar. And then when she's drunk we can come back and fix this whole problem."  She wouldn't expect too much while they were drinking since they mostly just sat around and imbibed beer, so keeping this awkward secret would be a lot easier. And when Bean finally did pass out from being drunk, she would be hard to wake up so they could take care of the matter without risking her catching them.

 

Besides, maybe a few drinks would distract him from the discomfort he was experiencing every time he or Luci moved.

 

"This is a stupid idea." Luci said flatly.  "It's even worse than something I'd suggest, so you know that's bad."  He paused then finally gave a shrug of his shoulders. "Fine. But this time you can't blame me when you wind up suffering from soul crushing humiliation."

 

Elfo thought that maybe it would still technically be Luci's fault for goading him into this awkward situation anyway, but considering his own involvement he didn't really have much room to talk either.

 

He looked up as Bean returned, holding a flask in one hand with a couple more hanging from her belt.  "So, ready to go?"

 

Elfo tried to sound as chipper as he usually was, straightening up despite the uncomfortable shifting and tugging down below.  "Yeah! We'll go to the bar and uh... have fun and drinks and stuff. Right Luci?" He nudged at the demon with his elbow and Luci turned a long flat stare on him before grumbling.

 

"Yeah.  Sure. We'll have 'fun'."  His eyes narrowed as he looked at Elfo and his dour expression shifted to a slight grin that brought about an uneasy feeling fluttering in the pit of Elfo's stomach.  "Lots of fun." This sounded a bit more sincere but that somehow made Elfo's paranoia even worse.

 

Bean, of course, seemed oblivious to all of this and smiled sunnily down at them.  "Come on, then." She paused in the doorway, looking at Elfo. "Need a lift?" Normally he would have loved one.  His legs were short and keeping up with Bean wasn't always the easiest task in the world... but it was also a risk given the rather precarious situation they were in.  It would be a lot harder to hide the whereabouts of Luci's tail if Bean was carrying them.

 

"No."  He said at last, mournfully.  Bean's expression was quizzical for a second, but then she gave a little shrug.

 

"Okay." She said, dismissing any oddness about his refusal.  Then she set out down the hall, leaving the two of them to follow.

 

There was an uncomfortable tug, causing Elfo to groan and look at Luci.  The demon was grinning at him and he felt that tug again, obviously on purpose.  "Well, you might not want a lift," Luci said, dripping smugness. "But I do." He didn't have to jump, in fact it probably would have been awkward for him to do so, but he did climb up Elfo's back to sit perched across both shoulders.  "So let's go already."

 

Well, it was probably the best position for Luci to be in to avoid further tugging, but that didn't make Elfo feel any better as he plodded after Bean with the demon's weight still settled across his upper body.  It was one trip to the bar though, he consoled himself. It would all be over soon enough.

-  



	2. Chapter 2

-Part 2 - 

  
  
  


The bar felt a lot further away than usual when Elfo had to walk and carry Luci along with him.  Bean was courteous enough to not range too far ahead, though she seemed particularly upbeat as soon as they got past the castle entrance.  For the most part no one even tried to stop them, though Elfo had ducked his head and sped up slightly, no matter the discomfort, when he'd spotted Sorcerio coming down the hall near them.

 

Normally he wouldn't have minded the prospect of being put back in the cage.  Of course he would have preferred an afternoon spent hanging out with Bean and Luci, but the cage was his life and he'd grown used to it.  But right now, the last thing he wanted was for the wizard to take an interest in him.

 

He had the sinking feeling that even if Bean was somehow oblivious to their plight, the nosy would-be magician would catch on quickly enough.  It wasn't even the potential judgement that he was worried about with the man, but he did acutely remember their brief conversation when the old man had been standing in the doorway of their apparent orgy and had invited him to join in and bring Luci.  Having Sorcerio realize what they were having issues with might lead to some unwanted attention of a different sort...

 

Elfo was almost loping when they hit the stairs and Luci bounced on his back.  Every step was one of the weirdest sensations he'd ever felt in his life thus far and wrung a soft whine from his throat as he finally caught up with Bean right before the castle entrance.  He was able to slow his pace as they made their way toward the tavern, looking forward to sitting down and getting Luci off his back.

 

The demon was having less of a problem with all of this than Elfo was, seemingly, especially since he didn't have to do much work with Elfo carrying him along.  He did grin against Elfo's neck as they fell a few steps behind Bean, his voice a barely-there rumble of sound in Elfo's ear. "Regretting this idea yet?"

 

"It's fine." Elfo managed, through slightly clenched teeth.  They'd have beer and that would help.

 

But when they actually got into the tavern, there were already people there and it belatedly occurred to Elfo that Bean wasn't the only one they were going to have to deal with.  On the plus side, Bean was usually the instigator of bar fights so he wouldn't have to worry about other people starting anything... he'd just have to persuade her to be less rowdy.

 

It was as if Luci could hear the thought before it even fully formed, because he shuffled where he sat on Elfo's shoulders.  "Fat chance of that."

 

"What?"  Elfo barked awkwardly as he grabbed his beer, then groaned as Luci's tail gave another tug.  He grabbed Luci's beer as well, just to keep the demon in line. "Fat chance of what?"

 

"Oh, you know." Luci said as they settled onto a bench, the act a bit less comfortable than he'd been thinking with the discomfort of something relatively large inside.  Wiggling didn't help, it just made it feel weirder. Elfo bit his lip and didn't engage with Luci, but the demon continued anyway. "Bean's going to get totally wasted and we're going to wind up going on some kind of nonsensical spree.  Or else she'll just get into a huge brawl and then pass out afterward." He took the beer from Elfo's hand and began to drink from it. "You should have just turned her down. She would have bought it if you'd said you were busy with some boring thing."

 

"Let's just get through this." Elfo said desperately.  "Just a couple of drinks then we can convince Bean to go back to the castle."  She moved to sit down beside the two of them, already with two drinks in hand, and Elfo had to fall silent to avoid drawing more suspicion to himself.

 

Bean was in an upbeat mood even before finishing her first beer, chugging it down and slamming the mug down on the table before belching.  She reached down to bump her hand lightly across Elfo's shoulder in a friendly move. "You know, this is great. Just the three of us, hanging out.  Drinking beer. Getting totally wasted..." Her tone was fond but Elfo's alarm rose at her words.

 

"Well, I mean don't you think maybe it might be fun to not get _totally_ wasted?  For once, I mean. We've never done it, so it might be worth a try right?" His voice rose on the question and he tried to hide his flustered state by pretending to drink more beer.  He'd barely tasted his own drink, he'd been too busy alternating between watching Bean and dreading what new torment Luci might come up with for him to have to do while pretending Luci's tail wasn't still stuck up his butt.

 

For a moment, Bean seemed to be considering this idea, an airy smile on her face.  Then she dashed his hopes effectively. "Nah. Y'know, totally wasted. It just sounds better right now.  Besides, it really pisses my dad off, and that's a bonus."

 

Oh dear.  It was really hard to compete with the notion of pissing Zog off.  It was one of Bean's favourite things to do when she was in a mood and when combined with the prospect of also getting wasted, it was hard to imagine other things that would in any way compete.  Still, Elfo was desperate.

 

"You know what else would piss your dad off," he offered in a high whine.  "Getting in trouble! That'd make him even more angry than just getting drunk..."

 

He was aware of Luci looking over at him with sudden interest and he felt a flush creeping into his cheeks.  What was he even doing? Encouraging Bean to get into trouble? That wasn't what he was supposed to be doing.  He was supposed to be a good influence, keeping Bean from doing all the bad things that Luci suggested!

 

But, oh, he just couldn't be caught like this and there was no doubt in his mind that getting into some kind of bar brawl would lead to the worst kind of reveal of what he and Luci had been up to.  Bean would be upset. Or she might think he was really gross and weird for trying to prove he was good at being kinky. Or she might be disappointed that he and Luci were doing weird stuff like this.  Or she might even - and this was the scariest possibility somehow - think that he and Luci did this thing because they were together and it might kill any chance he might have with her in the future... assuming such a chance even existed.

 

And all of that was just the reaction Bean might have... there were also about seventeen people in various states of drunkenness in the tavern, any of whom might not approve of some kind of elf and demon related kink thing.

 

So perhaps just this once, being bad might be for the greater good...  Right?

 

Bean was giving him a funny look, like she wasn't sure if she'd heard him wrong.  "Well, yeah. He always blows his stack when I get in trouble. But what would I even do?  I mean usually that just happens... like I get totally high and steal some stuff or drive a wagon full of pigs into the kitchen or something." She got a fond smile on her face at that last one.  "That was great."

 

"We could do that now!" Elfo chimed in. "I mean... maybe not the wagon."  He was already having some panic-flashbacks of the last time they'd stolen a wagon.  It had turned out okay in the end and the rush at the beginning had been substantial, but he did remember the panic in that wild leap across the river too.  Plus he wasn't sure that anything so bumpy would be at all fun given his current predicament anyway. "But we could steal something! A-and then he'd be angry.  And we wouldn't even need to get that drunk!"

 

Now both Bean and Luci were staring at him and Bean had a slight frown.  Elfo bit his lip, wondering if adding more would make things worse or better.  Then Luci spoke up and Elfo was terrified that he was going to make it even worse.

 

"Steal something, you say?" Luci drawled out in a too-friendly tone.  "Well that actually sounds interesting. When did you become interesting, Elfo?"

 

"Um?"

 

"One might almost think that maybe I've rubbed off on you a bit, huh?"  Luci was still behaving with that mockingly pleasant tone. And then Elfo felt the telltale twinge of Luci's tail shifting again, pressing deeper as the demon leaned over closer to him.  Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was because he was starting to get used to the weirdness of having something up there, but for just a moment it almost felt... good? Elfo's breath caught for a moment in surprise and confusion and Luci, seemingly unaware of the elf's new predicament, continued.  "See Bean? We're getting along better now, aren't we?" Luci curled an arm around Elfo's shoulder and the elf bit his lip hard and nodded in agreement.

 

"Wow.  You two really have been getting along today, huh?" Bean said, thoughtful.  "I mean all your fighting before, it was kind of becoming a downer. I'm glad you guys worked it all out."

 

"That's right.  We worked it all out." Except it felt like it was all in, at the moment, making Elfo squirm in his seat, a bit of the beer slopping over the rim of the glass and onto the front of his shirt.  "And when we get back to the castle, we can work it out the rest of the way, right?"

 

Elfo gulped and nodded, wondering when things had gotten so far out of control.  He'd started this morning just hoping for a little bit of alone time and now he was encouraging Bean to do Bad Things and dealing with the increasingly strange feeling that came from whatever weird kink thing he and Luci had done by accident.  "Yeah." He managed in a small voice.

 

Luci was grinning, unaffected by what his tail was doing but obviously enjoying Elfo's reactions.  "Well, I guess I'm with Elfo on this one. Let's go steal some shit! And then when we're done, we can burn down some things too!  Let's do it!"

 

"Wait-" Elfo said, then fell silent as Luci's tail tugged the opposite way and the ache from earlier returned.  He couldn't be sure that Luci wouldn't just try and yank it out, could he? That would be really mean... But Luci was a demon and he had just been encouraging Bean to do Arson and this was all just so messed up.  He needed to get this all over with so he could get back to the castle and get Luci's tail out as soon as possible. "-I mean... I guess..."

 

"Even Elfo agrees.  That means it’s not a bad idea, because otherwise he'd be complaining!  So let's do it! Do it, Do it, Do it!" Luci climbed up onto Elfo's shoulder, causing the elf to finally lose his grip on his beer.  It thunked to the table, forgotten.

 

"Hmmm..."  Bean stared at the both of them and Elfo gave a sickly smile in return.  He had no doubt that Luci's grin was more sincere than his own expression.  Either way, Bean was buzzed enough that any suspicion melted from her expression immediately.  "Okay. Yeah. Let's do it." She took a few more rapid gulps from her mug before slamming it down on the table.  "Let's go!"

 

-

On the plus side, when given the opportunity to decide on some criminal thing that would piss Zog off, Bean decided to go straight for the throat... ort straight for the castle.  Luci was already enjoying the entire endeavor, or at least the growing look of dismay on Elfo's face as they arrived at the castle stable.

 

"Stealing horses?" Luci was grinning wide.  "Well, it's a bit pedestrian, but it's got some good possibilities."  Bean sadly wasn't the most creative human around, especially not with the elf constantly meddling ,trying to make her actually act like a 'good person' or some crap like that.  But horses... he could see the potential. Perhaps not for an impressive criminal record, but rather, potential for making Elfo thoroughly miserable.

 

Bean glanced at him idly, still mostly preoccupied with tying up the soldier who had been standing outside the stable and keeping watch on the knight's horses.  After the initial moment where Bean had gotten the drop on him, the man hadn't even bothered to fight, seemingly resigned to his fate of being yet another casualty of their wild princess.  "We can get away faster like this if we need to."

 

"Of course," Luci replied, glancing sidelong at Elfo who had somehow flushed a paler shade of green as he realized the full implications of what they were about to do.  "And I know how much Elfo enjoys going for a leisurely ride."

 

Elfo cast him a wide-eyed stare that almost turned into a plea, but Luci wasn't going to get the elf out of this mess he'd gotten the both of them into.  "I mean... um..." He flailed about for words and Luci gave another tug of his tail in encouragement. Elfo whined low before managing to choke out. "I-I mean yeah.  That's a thing we're doing right now. Riding horses. Oh goody..." Luci noticed the panic in Elfo's expression as he realized Bean was moving to pick him up and put him on the horse.  It was a completely normal thing for Bean to do, but it was likely that she would notice what was going on if she actually touched Elfo and realized that Luci's tail was going down the back of his shorts.  Luci let out a surprised growl as Elfo scrambled away from Bean's touch and then immediately blurted out an apology. So much for not being suspicious.

 

Luci rolled his eyes, knowing that if someone was going to be the cool-headed one here it would have to be him.  "It's cool Bean," He reassured her, then wanted to kick himself for doing so. "He's just been learning some more self reliance.  It's some kind of stupid self improvement thing he's doing. No more letting other people carry him around. Right, Elfo?"

 

He didn't have to be a mind reader to understand the look of dismay on Elfo's face at that.  Elfo liked Bean carrying him around and this whole 'self reliance' excuse meant that he was going to have to pretend he didn't want her to do so when Luci knew he desperately did.  Still, he had no other recourse and he mumbled a soft. "Yeah, that's right." before he moved to climb up on a nearby barrel to make his way onto the horse's back. Luci was forced to follow right on his heels or get dragged, only managing to hop up onto Elfo's shoulder as the elf finished clambering up into the saddle.

 

This entire ridiculous situation was Elfo's fault, so it wasn't like Luci had a need to go easy on him, but there were times when the elf was too pathetic for even a demon to enjoy his discomfort.  Fortunately for Luci, they weren't anywhere near that stage yet and he got to enjoy the soft noises that Elfo made every time the horse took a bumpy step. And that happened pretty often once Bean kicked her own horse into a steady trot and they had to follow, bouncing up and down with the motions of the beast's hooves against the cobbled road.

 

Luci had no idea what kind of trouble Bean was going to get them into, but the princess was good at finding it generally and today was no different.  They almost trampled an old woman in their heedless ride down the street - despite Luci's efforts to convince Elfo to turn slightly so they could actually crush the woman beneath the horse's hooves, the elf had refused to budge.  Apparently murder was somehow less preferable than having Luci's tail yanking around at the elf's insides. Stupid goody good elf.

 

It wasn't until they got halfway through town that they spotted the telltale bright wagons and coloured banners of a visiting circus troupe.  It had been pretty rare for Dreamland to get entertainment like this in the brief time Luci had been here, but given the dour nature of the average Dreamland citizen - and Zog's distrust of bright bouncing things in general - that was no surprise.

 

The other thing that wasn't a surprise was the fact that Bean made an immediate beeline for them, especially when she spotted the fact that in their wagon caravan there were some animals on leads, including a few horses, a donkey and what appeared to be a semi-malnourished elephant.  Bean let out a whoop as she got close. "Look at the size of that thing!" She called out to Luci, and he grinned back at her.

 

"Oh yeah, ride that thing, Bean!"  He let out a laugh. "We should take it right up and park it in the castle courtyard."

 

"Oh my god, yes." Bean's eyes lit up as she paced beside the two of them for a few seconds, the horses running almost in unison.  "Dad will completely freak out." There was an uncertain whine from Elfo, who was essentially trapped between the two of them during this conversation, but they both ignored the elf as they were accustomed to doing in instances where he wasn't immediately on board because he was actually drunk or high enough to be interesting.

 

Bean slapped her horse with her heels, pushing the animal into a gallop as they came up alongside the wagon.  The man who was driving it didn't seem to notice them, at least not until Bean pushed herself into a haphazard jump from the back of her own moving horse to the side of the large grey-skinned beast that was ambling at a much slower pace.  The animal froze at the sensation of someone climbing atop it, allowing Bean to more easily clamber up onto the cloth strapped across its back like a makeshift saddle. "Come on boys!" Bean whooped down at them and Elfo looked back over his shoulder at Luci in a panic.

 

"You heard the woman," Luci said, climbing more solidly onto Elfo's back.  "You'd better jump or she's gonna think you're a wuss."

 

"But I _am_ a wuss!" Elfo gasped out, then gave in anyway and launched himself off of his horse toward the creature, eyes closed as though not seeing might somehow help.  He barely caught on the edge of the fabric saddle and clung there for dear life until Bean reached down and grabbed him by the back of the neck, dragging him up onto the elephant's back.

 

Their stolen  horses kept going, meaning they were now committed to this crazy course of action and Bean slapped the beast across the back as though it was just another bigger greyer horse with a weird nose.  It might have been okay with someone on its back, but this behaviour just spooked it and it gave a low bellowing sound before it began to speed up, rushing forward.

 

The rope lead wound around the makeshift - mostly decorative - harness, drew tight, then under the pressure exerted by such a large animal, it finally snapped.  

 

Then the three of them were on the ride of their lives.  Though the beast seemed to have some kind of lead on its harness, it was dangling too far out of reach for Bean to grab, meaning the only thing she could do was hunch over the creature's back and haphazardly grab at its ears in an effort to pull it in one direction or another.  People scattered as they came through, jumping away from wagons and carts that were immediately knocked aside. Barrels and fruit stalls were crushed beneath the elephant's massive weight. The plague patrol cart was dead in their tracks as they managed to turn down a side street and the man didn't even bother trying to keep the corpses inside, just leaping to one side to save himself as they scattered dead bodies across the cobbles.

 

"I think I'm getting the hang of this!" Bean yelled over her shoulder at them and Elfo cringed as he moved to grab more securely at her belt.  Luci was clinging tightly himself, pressed flat against Elfo's back and peering over the top of his head to get a good view of the carnage. It was all better than he could have hoped.

 

"You're doing a great job, Bean!" he called out and he felt Elfo jerk slightly in the beginning of a protest before remaining suspiciously silent.  It was kind of great how much Elfo didn't want to get caught, something that Luci would be sure to remember for later instances. The elf's sad little crush on Bean just made him so easy to manipulate.   Granted, Luci wasn't thrilled at the prospect of being caught like this, but he was sure if he was that he could find a way to brush it off as a minor setback. And how often did a demon get to brag about corrupting his charge enough to drive a fucking elephant through a castle courtyard?  The small details could easily be left out when retelling the story later. "The castle's that way!"

 

"Got it!  Hold on tight, boys!  We're going in!" The walls of the castle were starting to loom in closer and closer and they could hear the sudden braying of police donkeys behind them.  Elfo ducked his head to hide his face against Bean's lower back and Luci could hear the soft sound of him murmuring something unintelligible to himself. He was probably hoping that this wasn't going to get them all arrested and thrown in the dungeon where getting Luci's tail out might be even more difficult.

 

Elfo did manage to peek his head up as they barreled down the main road before the castle's entrance, his eyes big and his voice small as he asked something they probably should have thought of before stealing an elephant and bringing it to the castle.  "Do you think this thing is too big for the drawbridge...?" Everything in the kingdom was so shoddily constructed, it was a good point. The drawbridge might not even hold up under the weight...

 

"What?"  Bean turned her head to look back at the both of them.  "What was that?" And then it was too late to worry about the details.  The elephant's feet hit the wood of the still-down drawbridge and they could hear the creaking even as high up as they were.  Then the creaking became actual _cracking_ and the animal they were riding on drew up just short of the open portcullis where two terrified soldiers were attempting to stand their ground with their spears held in shaking hands.  For a moment there was complete and perfect silence. Then Elfo let out a soft breath, a sigh of relief, and the wooden drawbridge beneath them gave way, plunging the elephant and its three foolhardy riders into the water.

 

Bean, despite being drunk, was the fastest to react, setting out immediately for the far bank.  The water was only fairly deep but it was moving fast and the elephant they'd been riding struggled a few steps against the current before being dragged downstream toward the waterfall.  Elfo had fortunately managed to maintain his death grip on Bean's belt and he and Luci were dragged along with her as she made her way to shore. They reached it just in time for Luci to get a final glimpse of the elephant as the terrified beast plunged over the waterfall and into the ocean below.

 

The three of them were flopped on the shore, panting and coughing in the aftermath of their wild chase.  The police donkeys had stopped on the far shore, unwilling to get any closer to the carnage. Bean staggered to her feet with a triumphant laugh.  "We did it!" Then upon noticing the soldiers peering at the three of them hastily added. "Now let's get back inside before they figure out how to get over here."

 

She darted toward the side of the castle where she normally kept the rope hidden so they could climb back up to the room.  Luci smirked as Elfo was forced to follow. He could get used to this... having a steady ride. He was perched sitting high on Elfo's shoulders and it was great.  

 

The ascent up to the room was a lot easier when he wasn't the one who had to climb.  The only thing he had to do was keep prodding the elf and giving slight directions with the motions of his tail.  By the time they reached the window, Elfo was a whining, soggy mess and he landed belly down on the floor with Luci sitting in the center of his back.

 

"Okay." Bean seemed oblivious to the state of her two companions, fortunately for the elf.  "We did it." She laughed, a bit breathlessly "And we got away with it! We did it and got away with it! Yes!"

 

Before she could continue in her celebration, the walls reverberated with the sound of a very angry king.  " _ **BEAAAAAN!**_ "

 

-


	3. Chapter 3

-Part 3 - 

 

 

"So we didn't get away with it." Luci said idly as the three of them were escorted down to the throne room.  "But getting away with it is overrated anyway. You crashed an elephant into the drawbridge, broke part of the castle, and terrorized dozens of people. You should get the credit for it!"  Elfo gave him a dirty glare over his shoulder as they walked and Luci grinned a little in return.

 

Bean seemed less stressed about it than he would have expected, but there was a good chance she was still a little tipsy from the earlier drinks, no matter how steady her walk seemed.  She sure wasn't on the ball enough to notice that he and Elfo were still remaining in close quarters throughout the entire walk, or to catch the wince on the elf's face at each step down the stairs.  She really was so oblivious, it was amazing.

 

As they entered the throne room, Zog was already waiting for them, looking like he was about to explode with the way his fists were clenched and his face was turning several shades of mottled red and purple.  

 

"Hi Dad." Bean said, surprisingly calm.

 

"What were you even thinking?!"  Zog bellowed out, without any preamble.  "Stealing an elephant? Wrecking my drawbridge!  How are people going to get in and out?!" Now that he listed the things, it sounded even more impressive.  Luci preened slightly as the king continued to berate his daughter. "And now they want some kinda 'compensation' for their stolen property."

 

"You gonna give it to them?" Luci asked idly, then ducked behind Elfo as a kingly shoe came flying in his direction.  It smacked the elf square in the nose and sent him tumbling to the floor on his ass. Unfortunately he landed on top of Luci, making the demon grumble and squirm to get out from underneath him.

 

"Of course not!" Zog snapped.  "They're circus performers! They're not even supposed to be here except on specific 'holidays'." He made a gesture at the word.  "But that doesn't mean you can go around wrecking my castle whenever you feel like it!"

 

"Alright.  Alright, I hear you." Bean said, shaking her head.  "I won't do it again."

 

"Damn right you won't.  And you're gonna help clean up that mess you made."  At his words, Bean froze in place, brow furrowed as she looked at her dad like he'd just said something in a foreign tongue.

 

"Clean?" She repeated softly, then she laughed a little.  "Oh. This is a joke right?"

 

"No joke." Zog gripped at the sides of his throne hard enough that his knuckles turned white.  "The three of you are going to go out there and help my men clean up the street or so help me you're going to be spending a night locked in the cheese cave."

 

Luci hissed up at Bean.  "Go with the cheese cave!"

 

Elfo crossed his arms, tired and distressed.  "Let's just do it. Cleaning's not hard." Then he let out a yelp as Luci yanked his tail again.

 

"Shut up!  Also you're going to do my share."

 

There was nothing for it though.  A couple of the soldiers flanked them and it seemed that Zog was actually serious.  So they were led down the stairs again and out to the courtyard, still damp from their impromptu swim.  

 

Once they'd managed to get over the makeshift rope bridge constructed between the castle entryway and the road beyond, they were given a couple of low sided wagons, brooms and a shovel and were forced to get the cleaning under way, with the eyes of a couple of weary and pissed off guards on them.

 

Bean really didn't have a clue on how to clean.  She took the broom in two fingers and held it like it was a poisonous snake, brow wrinkled as she glared at it.

 

Elfo, on the other hand, was in his element, even with Luci's tail still stuck inside him.  "You hold it like this, Bean!" He demonstrated using the other broom. It was much too big for the diminutive elf to handle properly  but he gave it a game attempt anyway.

 

It took Luci just a few minutes of this to realize that he was going to have to nope out of it.  He waited until Elfo seemed preoccupied with instructing Bean on how to throw trash away, then attempted to dart off behind the wagon so he could go to the bar instead.  Somehow the downside of their predicament hadn't hit him until his attempt drew him up short when he got too far from Elfo.

 

He heard the groan before he came fully to a halt himself, his claws scraping at the cobbles before he realized he was unable to go any further.  He turned his head, belly down on the ground with his fingers clenching at the nearest raised cobblestone. Bean hadn't noticed his flailing because she was too busy angry stabbing at the ground with the bristles of her broom, but Elfo certainly noticed.  Luci sighed and rolled over so he was sitting, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked up at Elfo.

 

"So, new plan.  How about the two of us ditch Bean and go get untangled.  Then, I can go and do all my demon things and you can probably come crawling back and help Bean fail to clean up this mess."

 

Given how  many times Elfo had tried to get the two of them back to the castle so that they could get themselves unstuck, he was sure that he'd jump on this chance.  But instead Elfo just stared at him, his blank expression settling into something else. His eyes narrowed thoughtfully and for once Luci felt a bit of unease at seeing that look on the normally timid elf's face.  "No." Elfo said finally, voice flat.

 

"No?" Luci repeated.  Then he shook his head.  "Are you stupid? Let's go get untangled.  You've been wanting nothing more than for us to get away from each other all day!"  He was bristling at the fact that Elfo wasn't going to just cave in and do what he wanted.  Since when had he developed something vaguely resembling a spine?

 

Elfo had his feet planted and Luci was being reminded that the elf could be tremendously stubborn when he put his mind to it.  And it was usually in the most stupid ways too, like right now. "We helped Bean get into trouble." He fidgeted a bit as he said it, eyes downcast in a way that stank of shame.  When he raised his head again he had a resolute expression. "And now we're going to help her clean up."

 

"Bullshit!" Luci croaked out, his ears drooping back a bit despite himself.  "That's stupid. I'm not doing it." He put his back to Elfo, standing as tall as his diminutive height would allow.  Then he felt the sensation of small green fingers wrapping around the slim length of his tail and giving a firm tug. He snapped his head back around to look at Elfo, who met his gaze steadily.

 

"We're staying." Elfo said, giving the tail another tug and reminding Luci that there was another side to not being able to get away from each other.

 

"Why you-" Luci groaned and raged, but he was forced to bite most of it back as Bean came back around the wagon.

 

"Hey, you guys gonna help?  I think I've actually picked up two whole pieces of trash so far."

 

Dark demon eyes met deep-gold elf eyes and Luci growled, a sound that vibrated throughout his entire body.  "Fine. We're coming." And then as he came around on the other side of Elfo, forcing him to turn or being tugged, he spat out "Fuck you." under his breath.

 

-

 

It took a few hours.  Not to get done with the cleaning, that was something that would have been virtually impossible for three people who were an expert cleaning crew, much less a princess who'd never picked up garbage in her life and two tiny, still encumbered companions who were in the midst of a mostly silent spat.  It just took a few hours for the soldiers they were with to get bored and frustrated enough to take over the duties themselves.

 

By that time, any amusement Bean might have found in playing with the broom - mostly derived from using it to poke at the soldiers watching them - had completely faded.  So had her alcohol induced buzz. She threw the broom aside as soon as one of the soldiers offered to finish cleaning up. "We did it! Whew. I didn't think we were ever gonna get through with all that cleaning!"  

 

Luci glanced over the approximately five foot square radius that Bean had been 'cleaning' and noted that there were still several pieces of dead fruit and a random half-smooshed human arm.  "Yeah." He said flatly. "Great job."

 

"So now we can go back to getting drunk!"  Bean said, stretching her arms over her head.  "God, I really need to be getting drunk, like two hours ago."

 

"Yeah.  Sounds good." Luci's words were clipped.  He was still pissed and happy to let Elfo know it by giving a few more yanks of his trapped tail.  "You go get wasted. Elfo and I have a couple of things we need to uh... take care of."

 

"What?" Bean asked, staring down at them, puzzled.  "What things?"

 

"Elfo's sick.  He's allergic to elephants.  He needs to go lie down."

 

"What-" Elfo said, then cut off the rest of his protest with a yelp.  "A-ah yeah. I'm just... super itchy from uh... elephant rash. I need to lie down."

 

"I can go with you.  We can just grab some beers and bring them back."  Bean offered, but Elfo hastily attempted to reassure her.

 

"No, it's okay Bean.  You have fun! Just um.  Bring us back something at the castle after you're all done, okay?"  It was a solution that only worked because Bean was so intent on getting drunk.  Even then she paused a moment longer before accepting Elfo's generous offer.

 

"Well... okay.  But you take care of yourself."  She did offer Luci a smile. "It's good to see the two of you looking out for each other."  She didn't even wait to see Elfo's sickly smile or the slow curl of Luci's wide and thoroughly evil grin.

 

"Yeah.  We'll take care of each other alright."  Luci stalked toward the castle, not waiting for Elfo to follow, just giving a sharp yank of his tail until the elf tagged along behind him.

 

-

 

"Okay." Luci had a scowl on his face as they entered the room, his pointy black ears gone flat until they almost disappeared against the dark of his head.  The entire walk back had been grueling for his trapped companion, especially considering how pissed off Luci was at having been held captive against his will for the past several hours.  He was ready to get this all over and done with. "Get your pants off. This thing is coming out."

 

He didn't miss the look of abject horror Elfo shot in his direction, but he wasn't going to back down on this either.  While Elfo had borne the brunt of the discomfort for most of the day, Luci hadn't exactly been having a walk in the park either.  Being stuck with the elf as a close-quarters - too close really - companion for nearly a full day had been grating enough even before Elfo had pulled that 'we're obligated to help because we got Bean into this mess' bullshit.  He gave Elfo a long stare and the elf swallowed and finally started stripping down.

 

Normally Luci would have enjoyed someone getting naked for his benefit, but between the circumstances and the person in question there was nothing appealing about this.  Elfo was all skinny green legs and soft belly. Luci deliberately didn't look anywhere else.

 

"N-now what?" Elfo squirmed where he stood, leaning a bit gingerly from the still-there intrusion. Luci could at least still take some satisfaction in Elfo's discomfort and he deliberately gave his tail a slight tug for a second, just to hear him yelp.  It brought him a brief moment of minor glee, even with his current bad mood.

 

"Sit down." Luci gritted out after the small twinge of amusement had faded.  "Spread your legs. C'mon." Elfo was a particularly deep shade of green across his cheeks but he did as ordered after only the tiniest of hesitations.  The elf awkwardly eased himself down onto his hip on the pillow he'd been sitting on in the morning, legs easing apart as he tried to tug his shirt down to cover his bits, as if Luci was even looking.  Luci's only attention was on the problem at hand. With Elfo sitting like this, Luci could see where they were joined and moved to grip his tail just below where it disappeared into his companion's green body.  As he gave an experimental tug, he winced as he felt Elfo's body clamping down on him like a vise. "You're too tense, man. You need to ease up or it's not coming out."

 

"I can't." Elfo's voice pitched high and wavery.  "It hurts." Considering the amount of tugging and riding and other shenanigans that had been going on while Luci's tail was inside him, that was no surprise.  Elfo looked truly pathetic. Luci would have enjoyed his misery a lot more if he weren't so frustrated himself.

 

"Look. Ugh..." Luci's gaze darted around the room until it landed on a half empty flask of alcohol that Bean had left earlier.  He snagged it and shoved it into Elfo's hands. "Here. Have a drink. Try to relax." The elf didn't complain for once, just taking the flask from him and downing a couple of gulps.  While he was preoccupied, Luci tried wiggling his tail a bit. His fingers moved, prodding experimentally at Elfo, who let out a small sound and then immediately buried his face against the flask again.  For all of Luci's teasing about Elfo being a tightass, he hadn't expected it to be literal. Getting his tail free was going to take a bit of work.

 

Luci made a slight face, then began to slide one pointed finger in beside his buried tail.  He felt Elfo jerk in response. "What are you doing?!"

 

He gritted his teeth.  "I'm trying to get you to loosen up.  Just keep drinking!" He wasn't exactly looking forward to this, but given that he was a demon, he'd certainly seen worse in his tenure in hell.  He kept everything methodical, working his pointy finger in deeper and moving it slightly until it seemed like he might be able to work his way up to adding another.  It was slow going, and not nearly as fun as his initial tormenting of Elfo earlier in the morning had been - and he wasn't about to admit that his needling of the elf had been instrumental to this entire awkward affair.  He was preoccupied with just getting it done when he noticed the change.

 

It was the soft whimper that caught his attention first.  The tone of it was a bit different than Elfo's usual nasally whines.  He didn't think too much about it until he was probing with another finger, almost able to grip the buried spade of his tail with his fingertips, and heard the sound again.  He blinked, looking up.

 

Elfo had finished the remainder of the alcohol and his cheeks were flushed a darker green.  He was biting his lower lip hard, though it didn't work to stifle any noises. His hips were struggling to stay in place and despite Luci's initial assumption, he didn't seem to be trying to get away from the  uncomfortable touches. It was then that Luci's eyes drifted to what he'd been avoiding looking at all this time.

 

The hem of Elfo's shirt wasn't covering anything now.  Luci wasn't even sure why he was surprised, but he still was.  "Damn, man. Seriously? This turns you on?"

 

"No!" Elfo hiccuped out a protest that sounded particularly fake while Luci was almost getting bumped in the chin by some rather pointed evidence to the contrary.  Luci narrowed his eyes, fingers stilling in their motions as he stared at the elf. It took only a few seconds of silence before Elfo sniveled out a plaintive, "Okay yes!  I was lying." He had a rather obvious quiver to his lip as he tried to curl himself into a ball and couldn't because Luci was still planted between his spread legs with two fingers up inside him.  "I'm sorry!"

 

Normally Elfo's misery would have been amusing.  Luci would have reveled in it. At the moment though, it just felt awkward and uncomfortable and gave the demon a weird twisty feeling in his gut.  He tried to keep the strangeness of his own reaction out of his voice, using his teasing tone instead. "Hey, don't be. I gotta admit, I really didn't think you had it in you to be kinky!  I'm proud of you buddy." He could afford to be a little lenient, just to get Elfo's guard down.

 

Elfo paused in his attempts to burrow his head into his shirt like a turtle, his eyes big.  "You are?" He had that lip quiver again, but this time he seemed relieved.

 

Now that it looked like Elfo wasn't going to break down and cry all over him, he could resume his attempts to remove his tail.  It was harder than it had been before though because now it was virtually impossible to ignore the fact that - intended or not - the elf was totally getting off on this.  That part was annoying. Luci preferred to be the one in charge of whether or not someone was miserable or was enjoying what he was doing. Elfo was totally screwing up his entire deal.

 

Out of frustration, and no small amount of spite, Luci pushed his tail in deeper and was rewarded with a sharp gasp.  His fingers were still working, a bit faster than before, and he managed to get a third one inside. Whether it was the alcohol kicking in or Luci's efforts, the elf was finally relaxing around him.

 

He looked at Elfo's face, about to say something about how he almost had it out and he was startled at the sight. With the lack of condemnation from Luci over his enjoyment of this particular weirdness, Elfo now seemed to just be immersing himself in the pleasant sensations, biting at his lower lip and humming softly.  Luci had no clue just what the elf was actually getting from this, but he'd slid down slightly and was slumped against the side of the bed with his toes braces against the floor to push his lower half up. His fingers were clenched in the blankets that were being slowly dragged down beside him and the humming was shifting into other small noises that Luci would have taken for pain if he hadn't known better.

 

There was something fascinating about this kind of unabashed enjoyment and Luci vaguely recalled when he'd thought elves were all treacley-sweet and stupidly naive.  Now he wondered if he hadn't been totally off in his estimations. What if they were all actually just shameless hedonists instead? Now there was a thought. Elfo had continuously griped about how they had to be happy all the time without actually going into any details.  Or if he had, Luci hadn't been listening to them.

 

Luci was trying to be clinical about all this, really he was, but it was part of the whole demon thing - or at least _his_ whole demon thing - to be an enabler.  And damn, was Elfo being enabled right now. It was enough that Luci could almost forget how pissed he'd been at the elf earlier. Maybe he was looking at this all wrong, Luci reasoned, perfectly reasonably.  Maybe he was just corrupting Elfo. That was a good bad goal, right?

 

While Luci was rationalizing, Elfo was already leaning into the skid and letting a hand wander down to stroke himself off, just as awkward and unappealing a sight as this morning.  His motions were pathetic, really. No skill involved at all. If left to his own devices, he was probably going to keep them there all night just trying to finish.

 

After a scant moment of hesitation, Luci knocked Elfo's hand aside.  "Ugh! You're so bad at this! Let me do it!" Between the motions of both hands, he had Elfo virtually helpless while he proceeded to unleash the full might of his... uh... prowess at jacking a guy off?  Luci shook his head at the thought, trying to ignore that small detail. Corruption. Yeah.

 

And goddamn if there wasn't a surprising amount of satisfaction anyway.  There was a hot feeling surging in his body, like triumph, as the elf whined and thrashed and bucked his skinny hips, completely at Luci's mercy.  It took only a few moments of this unconventional torture before Luci could no longer resist what he was best at. His voice came out, low and mocking.  "Oh, you _**are**_ bad, aren't you? Look at you."

 

Elfo stared at him with a mix of shock and slight hurt, but the small motions of his hips only got more frantic at the words even as he tried to deny it with halting stuttered protests.  "N-no? No. I'm good!" Yet despite the words, he was humping into Luci's touch with just as much enthusiasm as before, if not more. The demon couldn't suppress a laugh at the obvious contradiction.

 

"Nah.  You aren't.  You're naughty."  And he knew the weight that word carried with the elf, though it was far from the conventional sort of insult.  At the sound of it, Elfo clenched around his fingers with a mewling hiccup and Luci had already forgotten just what he was supposed to be accomplishing right now.  The look of mingled pleasure and anguish on Elfo's face had him captivated. "Looks like Bad Elfo _**does**_ actually exist!"

 

"No." Elfo's body curved in a taut arc, even as the word escaped him.  It didn't have enough heat to be in any way convincing. Luci smirked anyway though, pulling his tail almost out, until it just tugged where it was still caught against the rim.  His fingers pulled away entirely.

 

"Then you don't want it?" The silence was unbearable and Luci thrilled at the sense of control. Bean scarcely needed his corrupting influence sometimes.  This... this was _delicious_ though. Elfo looked like he might cry. "Tell me you want it." He said, low and cajoling, seeming perfectly reasonable. "Tell me you're bad and you want it."  

 

"I-" Elfo hiccuped and paused.  Luci waited, somehow invested in whether or not he could get those words.  The potential of them hung on the air for a moment and then Elfo finally blurted out in an agonized little voice.  "I'm bad. I'm so bad...."

 

The demon thrilled in this slight victory, even though it was going to get Elfo what he was wanting too.  "You want it." He added, helpfully.

 

"Please." And then came something Luci didn't expect, breaking his control over the situation.  Elfo reached down and snagged hold of the demon's tail in that too-familiar way he'd shown back in the swamp.  He gripped the slim appendage firmly, ignoring Luci's sputter of outrage, and forced it inside himself again. Hard.  Deep. His hand moved with a firm but steady rhythm to fuck himself at a more punishing pace than Luci had set earlier. Luci cursed and snarled, finally wrestling his tail out of the grip of Elfo's hand.

 

"You dirty little perv..." Luci gasped, not sure if he was angry or if this hot feeling was something else.  His hand clenched more firmly around Elfo, stroking harder, his tail moving harder and deeper, curling on each inward thrust.  He had the sense that he was losing control of the situation but it didn't really seem to matter anymore.

 

Elfo, meanwhile, had given up arguing the point, or clinging to any vestiges of his claim at being 'good'.  "Yes!" He panted, fingers clenched in the blankets. Luci's ears were up and perked as he watched this display, forgetting for a moment that this was _Elfo_ , of all people.  Truth be told, Luci didn't exactly have a lot of previous success in corrupting people - Bean notwithstanding - and it was fascinating to watch the elf come apart so easily with just a bit of a push.

 

It wasn't really a pretty sight, but the knowledge that the elf was going to have so many regrets after this... well that made it worth it.  He let out a soft sound himself, probably a laugh, as Elfo was caught for a moment on the edge of his pleasure. It was a perfect moment. It only lasted for a few scant seconds though, when Luci was truly the master over the fate of this ridiculous green elf - or at least the master of whether or not said ridiculous green elf was going to get his rocks off - and then Elfo let out a strangled yelp and that bubble of anticipation burst.

 

At that moment, three things happened.  Elfo's frantic tugging finally dislodged the loose blanket on the bed and yanked it down on top of himself.  At the same time, he made an unsightly mess across Luci's hand and lower arm. And -

 

And finally - _**finally**_ \- Luci's tail slipped free with a slight pop, causing the demon to stagger backward a few steps before falling unceremoniously on his ass.

 

It was done.

 

For a moment, Luci sat there, wiggling his newly freed tail with a widening grin.  "Booyah! Free!" he hopped to his feet, the motion finally unimpeded. Then he looked down at the mess across his hand and grimaced.  "Well, this is gross." He snagged hold of Elfo's discarded shorts and used them to wipe off his hands before tossing them to the half-hidden elf.  "Hey, don't forget to put these back on. Can't go walking around with it all hanging out, right?" As amusing as the reactions to that might have been, he was able to quell a brief temptation to just toss the clothing out the window and watch Elfo have to scramble around the castle half-naked.

 

Immediately after tossing the shorts to Elfo though he wondered about why he'd thought better of it. Elfo running around the castle naked would have been pretty funny...

 

Elfo nodded in response to the words - or at least Luci assumed he was nodding from the way the blanket was bobbing.  Then a small green hand slipped out from beneath the blanket and snagged the shorts, dragging them back under the covering material.  There was some more wiggling and Luci was mildly impressed that Elfo managed to not come out from underneath the cover the entire time.

 

He hadn't made any sounds through the whole process either and that was a surprise given how unintentionally noisy the elf usually was.  Luci reached out a finger to poke at the nearest portion of blanket lump. "Hey. You're still in there, right?"

 

"Yes...?" The voice came, small and uncertain.

 

"Why are you still hiding under the blanket?"

 

"I'm not..."

 

"You are a terrible liar." Luci gave him another jabbing poke.  "Don't be all embarrassed. You proved your point. I will never again doubt that you are a kinky little bastard."

 

There was some shuffling and then Elfo poked his head out from underneath the blanket.  His hat was slightly askew and he looked ruffled and flushed as he tangled his hands, wringing at the material around him.  "Please don't tell Bean." He managed, giving Luci a beseeching look.

 

Luci didn't honestly think Bean would care, even if he'd been inclined to talk about the weird experience of giving the elf a handjob.  The likelihood of the princess being interested in Elfo when her tastes seemed to run to tall, marginally attractive and definitely _human_ types seemed nonexistent.  But if he didn't agree, he'd have to deal with the elf continuing to be all mopey for who knew how long. Better to save himself the trouble, right?

 

"Sure, buddy.  I won't breathe a word."  Then the thought came to him that he had Elfo over a barrel and he wasn't taking full advantage of it!  What was _wrong_ with him?!  He dropped his tone, looming as best he could over the huddled elf.  " ** _For a price!_** "

 

-

 

When Bean dragged herself into the open window a couple of hours later, finally done at the bar and drunk enough that she'd forgotten she hadn't actually snuck out, she didn't notice anything amiss.  Luci was sprawled across the pillow, his arms twitching slightly, like he was a cat dreaming of chasing mice. Elfo was a huddled lump curled at the foot of the bed and Bean almost accidentally knocked him off the edge while she was trying to kick out of her boots.  Her head hit the pillow and she almost immediately dozed off.

 

Normalcy settled in.

 

-

 

There was something off at breakfast.  What, Bean couldn't exactly put her finger on and it didn't help that her head was still pounding from her second round of drinking the previous evening.

 

Whatever was the matter, it wasn't Zog.  Her dad had been angry about the elephant and the state of his castle in the aftermath but he was also now smug about his apparent display of good parenting in making her harass the soldiers who had eventually cleaned up most of the mess.  It also wasn't her creepy stepmother. Oona was quiet, as usual, and only ate a few insects before wandering off to do god knew what. Derek had put himself as far away from Bean as possible while eating, and then sneaked away with an armful of baked goods the minute his mother was no longer at the table.  None of these things were unusual in any regard.

 

Her own companion was behaving a little oddly this morning though.  Elfo seemed subdued but restless, squirming in his seat so much that the princess finally dragged him onto her lap and shoved a biscuit into his hands to get him to settle down.  Luci came down late and sat on the edge of the chair back, smoking a cigar.

 

"Morning losers." The words rolled out in a puff of smoke.  "Did you have a good night? Cuz I sure did." Bean nodded in response and Elfo shoved the remainder of the biscuit into his mouth and said nothing.  It would have been more suspicious if Bean hadn't been nurturing a massive hangover.

 

'Anyway," Luci continued, "I've got places to be.  People to mess with. Elfo!" He gestured with one hand and the elf gave a weary groan before sliding off of Bean's lap and gingerly easing onto all fours on the terrace cobbles.  Luci hopped up onto his back in a smooth motion. "Giddyup!"

 

As the two of them made their way off at an elf-paced crawl, Bean watched them go.  Something was definitely up.

 

Once her head stopped pounding so much, she'd figure it out...

 

-End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I've got even more fics in the works and I'm probably going to be opening up for shortfic requests pretty soon. Keep an eye out for it!
> 
> To check out my art and meta, as well as previews and updates on upcoming works, be sure to check me out on tumblr: tothineownelfbetrue


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